Absolute Random Nonsense

When I was in elementary school I came up with some soccer trick shots in my notebook for which I had drawn diagrams for. One of them was when the ball arrived in the air and you hit in one time as it was about to hit the ground as a pass. The name of this move with the hahi strike. Some questioned me on it but ultimately the explanation was accepted. The name was actually referring to something else and I was able to disguise it by claiming some of the dots on the word written were actually hair of the player I had drawn.  

Mona Zabihian, an Iranian American, attempted to return to Washington state from Canada late Saturday after attending a concert — a trip she said she makes several times a year with no issues. This time was different, Zabihian said, as she and dozens of others were questioned and held for hours. “We went inside, we saw a bunch of other Iranians, pregnant woman, children. I saw one of my friends from Seattle,” she told NBC News. Immigration authorities asked her about her social media accounts and the last time she had been to Iran. “They asked if I was in the military or had anything to do with guns,” she said, adding, “We were there from 11 p.m. to 4 a.m. on Sunday.” Zabihian claimed that one agent said, “You guys are all U.S. citizens, you should not have to go through this.” “He mentioned that this was not a nationwide order. It was only a Washington border order,” she said. Kiara Vaziri, an Iranian American, said she and her family were also traveling back to Washington from Canada...

I have this vague memory of my teenage self in Iran where we were holding someone down and farting in their face. I think I am either confusing that with a Howard Stern bit or with a different incident where someone was trying to annoy me and as such kept screaming in my face and as they stood nose to nose with me with their mouth wide open as they screamed, I suddenly burped and began claiming that they had eaten my burp.  

I am the proud daughter of Iranian Muslim immigrants, and I am an American patriot. Unlike my parents, I was born in the United States, and I grew up here. Like them, however, I was raised in a rich and vibrant Persian community. Yes, right in the middle of the American heartland, my parents raised my sister and me among dozens of other Iranian families. We formed a diaspora born from the ashes of the so-called Islamic Revolution, the Iran-Iraq War — and the American imperialism that helped incite both. Like my parents, many of my adoptive Iranian-American aunties and uncles in Dayton were physicians, products of the brain drain that swept Iran after the revolution and the war. They spent decades living and working in Ohio, where America benefited from the top-notch medical care they provided, and where, in turn, they benefited from the freedoms and opportunities that America provided. Growing up, I remember gleefully heading toward Wright-Patterson Air Force Base on the Fourth of July...

One time as I stood by a river I imagined myself with a yellow shirt. In this vision I pictured myself committing mass murder. I then realized that I actually did have a yellow shirt. As such I decided that I would commit mass murder. Ultimately I didn't follow through with this plan.  

Ryan Bolourchi is an economics student turned clothing and jewelry designer who began creating his designs by drawing inspiration from his Iranian roots.  "I was just out there working on designs all day, just drawing instead of studying," Bolourchi said.  He turned those sketches into Xodafez, a jewelry and clothing line celebrating the culture and history of pre-Islamic Iran.  "What I really like about Iranian history, it's kind of like the patterns on a Persian rug — it's all interconnected," he said. "The mythology and the history, the legends and the truth. And it's kind of one beautiful, but also sad love story of Iranian people's resilience." Bolourchi said that every single design means something special and celebrates the heritage, poetry and Zoroastrianism that spanned over five empires, a far cry from the turmoil that has embroiled his parents' homeland since before he was even born.  "They had armored horses and sold ca...

In either freshman or sophomore year in high school there was a poem in our Persian literature book that Mr. Farrokhi explained its meaning. Looking at it I didn't think it needed any explanation as it was rather self explanatory. The tone was rather angry and I was surprised that such a poem was in our book. The poem read "you are a donkey that farts or a cow that poops." Thinking back I feel that I am remembering the poem wrong.  

Kiyan Sharifian was on Judge Judy. He was sued for borrowing money from his roommate for a scooter. He countersued for his washer and drier, mini fridge and coffee table. He had to pay back $1,035 for the loan. He did not get a judgement for any of his property back.

I had brought a Star Wars binder from the US with me to Iran. On one side it had a picture of two Storm Troopers and the other Han Solo and Chewbacca. The way Chewbacca was leaning forward and holding his gun made it look like his body was sliced in half and his upper body was hovering. I would bring it with me to school in the 4th grade mainly so we could practice drawing the characters. I had it put away until the summer of 9th grade when I went to Samar English classes. I realized I couldn't really use it as it was a 3-hole binder but papers in Iran had 4 holes. So we had to remove the original rings and put in a new one from an old binder. Once I stopped going to my English classes at the end of 10th grade I once again put the binder away. I had one last stretch of usage once I began college. But one day as we were in our chemistry class it slipped out of my hand and fell. Nemat looked at it and said, "If it were me, I would have broken." He was right. The binder fell...