Absolute Random Nonsense

The other day I went to this exhibition where they had all kinds of mechanical devices and I spotted this female cyborg. I knew when I first saw her on the showroom floor that she was made for me. I took her home and dressed her up in polyester. Although she was emotionless and cold as ice, she was all of the things I like: The way she looked, the way she moved, the sounds she was making in ultra-chrome, latex and steel. I plugged her in and dimmed the lights. I tried to resist her perfect skin and plastic kiss. When we touched I felt hallucinated and tranquilized. I understood from that point forward my private life would be subject to investigation once people heard about our deviation. But she never looked so good after wearing the fake fur and fake pearls for me.

Last night I had the weirdest dream. I was in this weird place like some kind of factory or something that was littered with banana peels. I apparently was being chased by something and was just aimlessly running down the corridors of this place. Some places were hard to maneuver as there were narrow bridges with no guard rails and I risked falling down. There were all kinds of robotic devices moving about that I was avoiding in case they would cause me harm. There were also things like bombs and missiles randomly scattered around. Every so often when I felt my attacker was about to catch me I would spot some kind of spring that I would jump on and it would launch me into the air. At times I would see other figures in my way and not knowing if they were friendly or just trying to catch me I would either run past them or spear them out of my way.

Are you planning on taking your car to a mechanic? I once did that and my car came alive and attacked me. We later made up and danced together.

Today I danced like no one was watching. But some people were watching and they laughed at me so I killed them all and continued dancing.  

I have a problem they said they can solve. Soon I won’t speak.  

Has anyone's teeth ever been homosexual?

How does a Hispanic person pronounce the name Jill?

I wanted to know what it is like to be shouting in the evening. So one day I went outside and began shouting in the evening. It was cool.

Would it be wrong to force an octopus to wear long johns?  

Does anyone know where I can find old episodes of the show My Black Son? I'm specifically interested in the episode where they find out he is a ninja.  

What in the world can make a brown-eyed girl turn blue?  

Listening to Duran Duran while actually being in England is a completely different experience.

I remember in Iran most kaleh pacheh places had this poem posted on their walls but I've never seen it in Persian restaurants in the US. Here's a refresher for all of us who spent time in kaleh pacheh places in Iran: بامدادان که تفاوت نکند خونه و کنام خوش بود دامن صحرا و تماشای طعام با کمال گشنگی از خلق استغنا خوش است با دهان تشنه مردن بر لب دریا خوش است در خوراک هر عضو را وردی جدا آمدست اندر خبر بهر دعا ماه فرو ماند از جمال کلّه پاچه سرو نباشد به اعتدال کلّه پاچه چشم دل باز کن تا نان بینی آنچه نادیدنیست آن بینی حلقوم گوسفند گشت رنگ رنگ زرد گشت آن صورت شاد و قشنگ کلّه پاچه لذیذ تو چه آیتی خدا را که به ما سوا فکندی همه سایه هما را وصف تو در گفت چون آید مرا چون عرق از شرم خون آید مرا قوت کلّه پاچه نه ز چنگ و رباب نی ز پوشیدن دمپایی و جوراب پسری گلوله چشمی دید بر دهان گرفت و زود پرید تن برهنه سینه باز و پیش پیش میفکندی در صف کلّه پاچه خویش همیشه بیخور و بی خواب باشد میون موج و باد و آب باشد فریاد ز افرنگ و دلاویزی افرنگ عالم همه ویرانه ز چنگیزی افرنگ نه از میدون ایمنی دارد نه از ک

I'm having some trouble with my car when I shift it shift it in forward and then shift it shift it in reverse. Can anyone help?

Extremely important!!!!!! Please do not watch the Trippy Show. It is believed to hypnotize its viewers.  

I sometimes think I have AHDH.   

One day a man goes to the pharmacy to pick up his medication. The pharmacist says, "Your name please." And the man says "Jalili." The pharmacist says, "Lilili?" And the man repeats, "Jalili." The pharmacist says, "Lilili?" And the man repeats, "Jalili." The pharmacist says, "Lilili?" And the man repeats, "Jalili." The pharmacist says, "Lilili?" And the man repeats, "Jalili." The pharmacist says, "Lilili?" And the man repeats, "Jalili." The pharmacist says, "Lilili?" And the man repeats, "Jalili." The pharmacist says, "Lilili?" And the man repeats, "Jalili." The pharmacist says, "Lilili?" And the man repeats, "Jalili." The pharmacist says, "Lilili?" And the man repeats, "Jalili." The pharmacist says, "Lilili?" And the man repeats, "Jalili." The pharmacist says

Does anyone know where I can get a pair of good quality but inexpensive mom jeans in my size?  

In an effort to get members to know each other better, let's all post what university we went to. You guys first.  

Can someone help me make a Kenny G. bootilicious dance mix CD?   

I was driving through New York City on Saturday when I accidentally hit a motorcycle from a gang of about 100 of them. I tried to drive away and in the process I hit a few more motorcycles. The bikers chased me down and eventually caught up with me. They dragged me out of the car and then I beat them all up and drove off.   

If you were at Gillette Stadium at the 2005 Gold Cup watching the Canada-Cuba game and were sitting behind one of the goals with your brother and father and spoke Persian amongst yourselves, please respond.  

Sometimes when I go down a slide in the playground, especially the full tube ones, I feel like I am a slave in the City of Gold and Lead and that I am escaping the tripods.

Would it be considered unusual to twerk during a hearing for a speeding ticket?

I have become uncomfortably numb.   

“Why don’t you keep that ball and give us another one so that the rest of us can all play?” - a 20 year old Jorge Valdano to Cruyff after Cruyff went down injured, picked up the ball and tucked it under his arm as if he were the referee, calling the medics onto the pitch.   

If you were being stalked through the forest and too close to hide how would you feel?   

I plan on adopting 18 kids from Africa and then putting them all up for adoption.   

Would it be weird if I shaved my legs for a job interview?