Absolute Random Nonsense

During freshman year in high school a TV program urged everyone to cross a bridge while being careful not to fall down. It then praised us for our good aiming skills. It would then recommend that during play we be strong while at the same time we also be weak and as such we could achieve happiness while singing outloud. It was a very confusing program with mixed messages.

Parisa Montazaran, noted for being the most level-headed and relatable by viewers, was The Real World’s first Iranian-American cast-member. Based in New York, Parisa has a degree in International Relations from NYU, flawless Persian-hair, an über-sexy physique, and a gift for music that’s bound to dishevel any rival. However, what made Parisa a fan-favorite by a landslide, is her ability to calmly overcome an excess of distasteful behavior exhibited towards her by a few of her housemates. This Persian beauty’s unmatched patience, became the hottest blog topic for the comment-obssessed as technology allows viewers to voice their opinions online, albeit anonymously at times.  "Being Iranian has awarded me a sense of humanity and culture that I don’t think I would possess if I grew up being like everyone else around me. It sparked curiosities in me that wouldn’t otherwise be provoked and gave me the opportunity to learn and want to learn more about people, the world, life. I’...

When looking for a cat to adopt we came across one that had a black small mark under its nose similar to Hitler's mustache. The cat's name was appropriately Mustachio. While we ended up going with another cat, he reminded me of myself in the 4th grade. I used to constantly bite my upper lip and leave a red mark above it. While some people called me 3 lipped, a 3rd grader, whose class our 4th grade team was scrimmaging against, responded to my trash talking by calling me sibiloo. I chased him but he was too fast for me.  

Parisa Tabriz used to be a hacker. Now she is a princess. Ms. Tabriz is a director of engineering at Google, where she oversees its Chrome web browser and a team of security investigators called Project Zero. Several years ago, when Google required her to get business cards, she picked the title “security princess” because it seemed less boring than “information security engineer,” her actual title at the time. As Ms. Tabriz climbed the ranks, the designation stuck — and reminded men in the cybersecurity field that women belonged there, too. “I want them to know that princesses can do engineering and STEM,” Ms. Tabriz said. Chrome is the world’s most widely used web browser — the window through which more than a billion people view the internet every day. Some days, Ms. Tabriz’s work at Google’s headquarters in Mountain View, Calif., entails studying furniture design (rounded chairs and felt baskets, she said, helped inspire the curve of Chrome’s tabs); at other times, she studies wonk...

During high school freshman year there was a student in my class who had this odd habit of winking instead of blinking. At first everyone thought he was intentionally doing so and it got him in trouble with teachers but eventually we realized it was not his own doing. He had a unique black jacket that had a horizontal red stripe that said "Buma" on it twice. It seemed like it was meant to be a Puma knockoff jacket and I always thought it would have looked cooler it they had instead written Burma Boy which would take up the same number of letters and in fact use most of the ones already there. His jacket enabled me to spot him on Shariati Street one day as I drove by him in a taxi after coming back from Tarh'e Kad.  

“We’re kind of like UGG boots: brown, fury, and sweaty… and nobody can figure out why we’re so damn trendy,” quips the skiing/snowboarding Iranian comedienne and regular E! commentator Nadine Rajabi in a segment of her Showtime Comedy Special, Hot Tamales about being Persian. “I’m moving back home because my mom’s been having trouble paying both [of] our rents,” says the riotous and multitasking modern Persian-beauty. As the youngest paid “regular” at the Improv clubs – thanks to Improv manager Reeta Piazza who “found” her when she was only 19 years old, at a bar trying out jokes underage – the playful Rajabi, who tells us that she’s trying to be the “Iranian Seacrest”, can now add a “producer” title, for her work on MTV’s Daddy’s Girls (a spinoff from Run’s House), to her overflowing resume. This California-raised Persian girl, is not just hilariously funny, but she’s cool and smart. She’s the type of “Persian-chick” you want to be friends with, whether you’re female or male, Persian ...

In the early 90s I watched Sandra's "Everlasting Love" video and the song got stuck in my head. Shortly afterwards I watched a French porno called  "Le Fruit du Desir" which I thought  translated to "Fruit for Dessert". Also on that tape were scenes from another porn where a girl was shown from above as the camera hovered and rotated. That night that scene began playing in my dreams coupled with the Sandra's Everlasting Love. Then I switched to a different song and when I woke up I realized I no longer remembered the tune of Everlasting Love. I asked my friends for help and one of them began humming it to me although his version sounded more like Starship's "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now". It would take some time before I could get my hands on a copy of the song.  

A potential cast member on Canada’s Lake Shore–a reality show where eight cast members from different backgrounds and sexual orientations move into a house together, and learn how to not step on each other’s toes–Iranian-Canadian, Roxie aka Persia, says of the forthcoming TV show: “It’s not a competition; it’s all about [our] differences!” What’s the actual Lake Shore area like? “It’s a really cool area of Toronto,” Persia tell us. “It’s literally right by the lake shore, which is also minutes away from downtown Toronto where all the hottest private parties take place.” Not just a party-girl, Persia can cook too: “I can definitely stir up a mean ghormeh-sabzi, zereshk-polo, and adass-polo!” She says in response to whether she’s planning on cooking for her would-be housemates. I would love to cook for my roommates, I think it would be a great idea, bring some Persian flavor (literally) to the show.” "I had been doing some video blogging on youtube under the name PersonalPersia when...

With the shortage of eggs, along with most other things, we were lucky to have a couple of chickens that provided us with fresh eggs daily. It was even easy to tell the eggs apart; the gray chicken laid brown eggs and the brown chicken laid white ones. We had gotten into a routine of collecting two eggs from the chicken coop every morning until it abruptly came to a halt, a fate that we all accepted. One day during science class, in order to give us a short break from actual studies, Mr. Mohammadhosseini told us another one of his stories that we certainly thought was fake. Given the topic of our lesson was plants, he went on to tell us how plants also had feelings and understanding and do much more than we give them credit for. He told us about a friend of his who had a rose bush in his yard but for the past few years it failed to fully bloom in the spring. So one day he grabbed a saw and accompanied by a friend went up to the bush and faked a conversation with his friend about ...

Holly Dagres is an Iranian analyst and commentator on the Middle East specializing on Iran with an emphasis on the intersection of security and human rights. Based in Washington, she is a Libitzky Family Senior Fellow at the think tank, The Washington Institute. Holly spent her teenage years in the Islamic Republic of Iran, from 1999 to 2006, during which time she graduated from Tehran International School.    "When I look at some of my childhood photos from the late 1990s, I can’t help but think I dressed the part of the “cool girl.” But underneath the appearance was a little girl who was constantly made fun of while living in LA.   I was too tall for sixth grade—taller than all the boys in middle school (5’10”, a height I still have today). I was also an Iranian girl, the kind who wasn’t allowed to shave her legs and was only permitted the torture of sugar waxing, which left me in tears with every strip pulled. I’d have to go to school with my legs exposed as the hair g...

I recently visited an office park and while looking at the various offices posted in the front of the building I realized that it was home to a dental office for Dr. Azadeh Dianat. Later I checked it out further and realized another dentist, Dr. Mehrnaz Golmakani also worked there. I wished I had gone there for all of the prior dental work that I had done. Although I'm not sure whether they accept my insurance.   

Jazz singer Angelina Jordan Astar has deep ties to Iran through her maternal grandmother, Mery Zamani. Born in Oslo, Angelina credits her Iranian heritage and her grandmother's background as a significant musical and artistic influence on her life. She won the 2014 season of Norway´s Got Talent, better known as Norske Talenter in Norway. After this win, and with more than 40 million combined YouTube views, she was featured in People magazine, Time , and other news outlets all around the world. In 2015, Angelina published the book Mellom to hjerter (Between two hearts) illustrated by her grandmother Mery Zamani. The book tells the story of Angelina’s meeting with a poor motherless girl in Iran to whom Angelina gives her shoes. In return the girl promises to always pray for Angelina. It’s based on a true story which Angelina cites as reason for always performing barefoot. "They were sea green ankle boots. I loved those boots. Right then and there, I felt as if a door in...

I didn't like Whitney Houston's "I Will Always Love You". One reason was that it wasn't her song but a remake of Dolly Parton's.  Another was that I found the song rather lame in general. Lastly when I saw the video, particularly the end of it where Whitney Houston was sitting and singing, I used to think it looked like she was constipated and was using all her might to force her poop out. Watching the video now it doesn't quite give me the same impression.    

In Japan’s underworld of organized crime, there is of course the infamous Yakuza, but there are also foreign nationals, including Iranians. For more than two decades now, they have been dealing drugs on behalf of the lower rungs of Japanese criminals. An Iranian with insider knowledge of these activities explains how this came about. Pejman (not his real name) lived in Japan from the mid-80s to the late 90s. Today, he is in close touch with Iranian friends who still live there. All the details about the drug trade he shares in the following account were confirmed by a Japanese police source and a Japanese journalist interviewed by FRANCE 24 on condition of anonymity.  "A wave of Iranian immigrants headed to Japan after the Iraq-Iran war (1980-1988), when jobs were hard to come by. At that time, Japan was looking for foreign workers to do tough jobs. This attracted many Iranians from the lower classes, quite a few of whom already had criminal records back home. "However, it wa...

Going to school, albeit an international one, completely submerged me into Iranian culture. While on one hand I was able to listen in and absorb all that was being said and done around me, at the same time it gave me an idea of what my fellow students thought about the ongoings outside of the country. In one exchange, which I can’t recall whether was for or against the topic at hand, my classmate Arash asked the group of listeners gathered around him, “Do you know for how long each day they show cartoons in the US? Twenty-four hours!” For some this came as unbelievable or an exaggeration, however, others were convinced based on the signs they had already seen. Case in point on one weekend (which we quickly learned was a solitary Friday) when we were at a relative’s house, the TV was on and I immediately recognized a Saturday morning cartoon in between cartoons about a kid being lonely and singing to that effect. While most of the bit was dubbed in Persian, his singing of “I’m lonely, I...

Any fashion-conscious eye who has had a chance to see sharply fashion-savvy Iranian women in all their haute couture galore around the world (especially in Tehran), knows that Iranians are by far of the most fashionable sect on the planet. (In fact Iranians single-handedly made summer 2009, an inspiring and fiercely-emotional-yet-green one.) Now we’re delighted to introduce you to the first Iranian fashion designer, Shirin Askari, on the show of shows in fashion: Project Runway. In the words of Project Runway’s gorgeous German host, Heidi Klum: “In fashion, one day you’re in, and the next day… you’re out.” And we believe that as long as the fresh-faced designer continues to “make it work” a la’ Tim Gunn’s request, Shirin is sure to be in for a long time to come. The petite Askari won the second challenge: “We Expect Fashion” (and immunity for tomorrow night’s episode), which revolved around the designers creating a maternity dress for Hollywood actress Rebecca Romijn, on episode 2 of P...

In the mid 90s we were visiting a friend at their place. At one point he sat on a chair while his wife sat in front of him on the ground. As he spoke with us he would run his hand through his wife's hair and gently caress her head. Having gotten out of a bad breakup I watched them and thought to myself what a great relationship they seem to have and how nice it would be to have something similar although I knew I wouldn't as I had decided against ever getting married in order to prove a point.  

Majors Elham and Arezoo Barani are identical twins who, after immigrating to America to go to college, joined the Air Force. Both are dentists in the 436th Aeromedical Dental Operations Squadron here and recently were promoted to major in a dual ceremony. "It's natural to want to have the same career when you spend every moment together," said Maj. Arezoo Barani. "We wanted to become doctors since high school." "We do everything together," said Maj. Elham Barani. "We always have." The first hurdle the sisters conquered on their way to becoming doctors was the language barrier. When the Baranis came to the U.S. they knew little English. "We could say things like, 'hi, good morning, goodnight,' but nothing more," said Maj. Elham Barani. "We had no conversational skills." It took them just six months to learn English. "We watched lots of T.V., especially soap operas," said Maj. Arezoo Barani. "Actors sp...

In the summer of 1984 I went to the movies to see Gremlins. Unfortunately it was sold out and so instead we decided to watch Revenge of the Nerds. I did not understand much of the movie. For starters I didn't know what a nerd was nor was I familiar with the concept of fraternities and sororities. At the end of the movie when the black Tri-Lambs arrive I assumed they were the police. While I didn't grasp much of the story, however, I was very clear on the nudity scenes which stuck with me for years even though at each one I would get my baseball cap pulled down over my eyes until I finally removed it half way through the movie.  

Four Iranian Kurds who died trying to cross the Channel in high winds were members of one family who paid smugglers thousands of euros after two failed attempts to reach Britain, the Guardian has been told. Rasul Iran Nezhad and his wife, Shiva Mohammad Panahi, both 35, and two of their children, Anita, nine, and Armin, six, drowned as they tried to reach Britain by boat, according to a relative of the family and the Iranian-Kurdish human rights organization Hengaw. The fate of the family’s third child, 15-month-old Artin, is unknown, though French officials have said it is possible an infant also died when the vessel sank. The family was from the north-western city of Sardasht. Speaking from Sardasht, Iran Nezhad’s brother Khalil said he had last heard from the family two days ago. He said they had crossed from Iran into Turkey during the summer before proceeding through Europe to France. A representative from Hengaw said the family had attempted to enter the UK by train twice but fai...

In elementary school every day after coming home I used to watch Battle of the Planets. My favorite character was Keyop who stuttered and seemed to have a verbal tic. Years later I heard a rumor that this was done because the original character spoke using much profanity and that Keyop's excess mouth motion would cover up deleting the words. It seemed to be baseless although in the original Japanese version he spoke quite normally.