Absolute Random Nonsense

In the early 2000s at the end of lunch a coworker went to dump an untouched portion of food in the garbage. I told her not to and that if she did I would reach in and take it out and eat it. I asked her if she had seen the Seinfeld episode when George had done that. She said she had. In spite of her throwing the food away I didn't fish it out of the trash. Years later though I would do so without giving anyone a heads up beforehand. Also she would die a few years after our conversation.    

The duo of Kiarash Reghabi and Christian Pierce directed and wrote ‘Types of Drunks,’ which is basically a quick tutorial of personalities anyone can expect at a party. Considering how many different drunks there are. There’s the standard orator who always talks about how drunk they are, followed by a list of booze they’ve ingested into their body. There’s the “vultures” who ninjas booze for themselves. Of course, there’s the “bro” who fist pumps, wears sunglasses indoors (not even ironically) and calls you things like “DUUUUDE" or "BRAH” -- endearingly, of course. Kiarash also worked on the Justin Bieber documentary.   

One day during math class in response to a question from Mr. Tehrani, and possibly with a promise of some kind of reward, everyone raised their hand. In our enthused state and trying our hardest to get Mr. Tehrani’s attention, many of us stood up in our seats with our arms erect and extended. Mr. Tehrani asked everyone to take their seats and seeing no results, followed it up with a threat of forcing anyone who remained standing to stand for the rest of the year. Four students refused to take their seats, welcoming the challenge of continuous standing even as Mr. Tehrani emphasized their punishment as he wrote their names down. Three of the students were Lamehpour, Eghbali and Hamidayne. I was the fourth. We were moved to the back of the class so as to not block anyone’s view. At first the four of us were thrilled about it and enjoyed the curious stares from our classmates during class as they glanced back to see if we were indeed doing this. However, towards the end of the second da...

Shahin Moghbel was on Guy Fieri's Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives. He is the owner of Chickpeas Mediterranean Café in Las Vegas. He gained recognition for his delicious Mediterranean cuisine, which led to his appearance on Guy Fieri’s popular show, Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives. His restaurant is known for its flavorful dishes and has become a local favorite, recognized as one of the best cheap eats buffets in Las Vegas. His background and culinary expertise bring a unique and authentic touch to the Mediterranean dishes he serves at Chickpeas Mediterranean Café.   Chickpeas offers a variety of Mediterranean and Indo-European dishes created by three chefs. Executive Chef Pawan Jalota, formerly of the Sensi Restaurant at Bellagio, creates exquisite and popular Indian dishes such as butter chicken, along with many vegan and vegetarian curries. The other two chefs are responsible for Mediterranean salads and main dishes, including Persian kabobs.   Chickpeas Mediterrane...

One morning for some reason Mr. Tehrani was absent and thus we were left to ourselves. It seemed like the perfect time for each group to conduct internal voting and determine who their new leader would be. Up to that point, much to my disappointment, as I considered myself a better student than him, our group leader was Vahid Siahkolah. I wasn’t so sure how I would fare in a vote as Vahid’s namesake and cousin, Behzad, was also in our group, thus guaranteeing him at least two out of six votes. We each made our case to the rest of the group as to why they should vote for us and then we all verbally cast our votes. I was assured of my own vote and that of Noroozi who sat next to me and had become close friends with me. However, much to my surprise I received one more vote from Ravani, who in turn had received a vote from Mousavi, thus leaving Vahid with only two votes. While I declared victory, Vahid claimed that there had been miscommunication and that to avoid it each person should w...

A few paragraphs into "A New Persian Empire," the prefatory essay of her new collection Brown Album, Porochista Khakpour writes: "Since 9/11, we have been living in a winter of discontent after more than three decades of discontentment." Much of the work of Brown Album is about articulating those stories of brown America that are being simultaneously lived beside, and erased from, mainstream work concerned with equating Americanness with whiteness such as The White Album. Khakpour's work is correction and visibility: about centering the brownness that has been erased from this literary cultural analysis — and accompanying conversations. There is a refreshing anger, at times, in these pages and rightfully so. Khakpour's anger is directed at erasure, at misogyny and racism, at anti-Muslim and anti-Iranian policies, at healthcare inequalities stemming in large part from environmental racism. "I loved this country," writes Khakpour. "I accepted it...

Midway through the fall semester along with my dad we went to Sharif University. As I stood outside the engineering department my dad entered and spoke with a few of the faculty and staff inside. When he finally emerged he told me, “They say you can make up the work that you have missed and that while it’s possible that you could catch up but they find it unlikely. So try it for a bit and if it seems like you can't handle it drop the courses and start from scratch next semester." And so that’s what I did. Much of the makeup work essentially consisted of me reading up on the previous material covered with the exception of English in which the professor had me translate parts of a book. There were several former classmates at the university as well that made my transition back into school a little easier. In addition to Zamiri from high school, and Shahrestani and Seyedanmalek from middle school whom I had already bumped into during orientation, I also came across Sharifasgari a...

David Halimi grew up Jewish in Tehran, watching Bonanza. He now produces rodeos in Northern California and owns a bar modeled on Cheers. At 73, Halimi is known around Chico as the man behind a Western wear store stocked with thousands of cowboy boots, a rodeo circuit that draws bull riders from across the region, and a U-shaped bar where locals joke about who might be the town’s version of Norm. Less obvious — but no less central — is that he is also a longtime synagogue president, a Hillel board leader, and a professor who teaches business analytics at the local university. Asked how an Iranian Jew learned the rhythms of the American West, Halimi doesn’t mystify it. “I’m a quick learner,” he said. For Halimi, the distance between Iran and Chico is not just geographic. It is the distance between a life shaped by instability — he grew up in Iran in the aftermath of a coup — and one he has spent decades deliberately building. Halimi didn’t arrive in America looking for a job. He arrived ...

One night towards the end of summer Ardi, Kamyar and I were hanging out with some other friends from the neighborhood. We gradually got bored and as some of us were single and others weren’t able to get in touch with their girlfriends, we started asking around if anyone knew any girls that we could hang out with. As we continued asking around, we came across a kid from Sixth Street who always acted as if he was a big-time player with connections although he rarely delivered on his promises. One time in a similar situation we asked if anyone had any movies, porno or otherwise, and he pulled us aside and asked what type and how many we were interested in, implying that for the right price he would gave us access to his vast collection of movies. He told us that he knew a girl, a professional as he referred to her, and he could have her come by Kamyar's empty apartment around 7:00pm. As far as the cost he said she should be ok with 100 tomans but if she gave us a hard time about it to...

Saeid Zeiaei and his wife Hadija Faraji became U.S. citizens last year. They have two young children born in the United States. Even though all four members are American citizens now, and they are embracing American culture, the family continues to preserve their Iranian heritage, too.  Zeiaei ended up in West Virginia because his parents had friends there. That made his dad feel better about sending him so far away. Zeiaei says what little the Iranian media says about Americans isn't good, and when he got here, he discovered the misperceptions cut both ways. Fellow students would ask if his dad had an oil field. They figured that was the only way he could afford to go to school in the U.S. "Or they were asking, like, do you guys, everyone have a car there, because every time we saw a movie, they portrayed people either walking bare feet in desert or everything's in chaos. And that's the only impression they got from that country."

“Honey never goes bad, no matter how old it is.” A clear indication of Thomas’s arrival. Thomas had some type of fascination with useless facts that he insisted on sharing with others before anything else could be said. He claimed he just would pick up such minor details after reading a much more general article. Kurt never doubted him; he knew Thomas had an astonishing memory for things that he considered interesting. “Hey Thomas, how’d your interview go?” “Pretty good. I think I got the job.” “Great. What kind of job is it?” Thomas hesitated for a second. “I’ll be doing custodial work.” No, he’s not a janitor. He’s not even a custodian. He simply does custodial work. Perhaps that was the best way of making his new job sound respectable. So who cared anyway? It wasn’t about respect, it was simply about making a living.