Absolute Random Nonsense

In December of 1995 as I approached the library door of the university, a student exited at the same time and held the door open for me. As I thanked her I realized I knew her as she was one of only 2 American students in my Arabic course during freshman year. She also recognized me and we began briefly chatting. She told me that this was her last semester and that she was graduating at the end of this fall semester. She then gave me her number and told me to call her so we could hang out. I kept procrastinating but finally decided to call her towards the middle of December. A recorded message informed me that the number had been disconnected.  

Sitting in a lounge on the 24th floor of a hotel in central Buenos Aires, Gelareh Nazemi conveys a certain shyness, which stands in contrast to the confidence she demonstrates when dealing with matters on a futsal court. But, contrary to being interviewed, refereeing is a passion for Nazemi, who is the first Iranian to officiate at a FIFA-run futsal tournament.  Nazemi, who is originally from Gilan, has been refereeing futsal since 2013. " About 15 years back, I was playing football in Iran when my brother, who was a referee in the SuperLiga, urged me to give it a try. He said, “You can do it, you can be one of the first”. In Iran, the first group of female referees only got started 15 years ago. There were seven or eight other female referees, but they all gave up because of how difficult it was. Their families or husbands didn’t accept it, they didn’t understand why they wanted to travel around just to referee. Today, things have changed, and there are three different futsal div...

The minibus from Tajrish to Azadi Square only charged five tomans for its route regardless of where one got on or off. The fare, start and end point of the route of such minibuses, for this route and all others, were always written in the front and side of the vehicle. In spite of this, there would sometimes be certain misunderstandings along the way.  On one trip from Tajrish, a girl got on before Parkway Intersection. We had only travelled a short distance before she made her way to the front of the minibus and told the driver, “I got on the wrong bus. I thought it was going to Vali Asr Square.” As she paid the driver, presumably five tomans instead of the three tomans that was the fare for the Vali Asr Square minibuses, the driver sarcastically said, “It’s as if we had written Azadi Square in Arabic on the bus.” As she got off the bus the girl angrily replied, “I made a mistake. You don’t need to be rude about it.” Another day a woman got on along the way and after only a brie...

My husband, Shahrokh, proposed in early 2009. We met two years earlier at Sarita’s Mexican Restaurant in San Antonio where he was working as a server. During one of my visits to the restaurant, I was reading a book in preparation for a trip I was taking to Washington, D.C., and we spoke for the first time when he asked me about Washington and why I was going. After chatting for a while, he asked for my phone number so that he could take me on a date. I asked him for his number instead, telling him I would call after I returned. I kept my word, and we began dating shortly after. We were married on Oct. 20, 2009, at the Justice of the Peace with family, friends and some co-workers present. I wore an off-white skirt suit, and he wore a brown dress shirt and pants. I had corsages ordered for the occasion instead of a bouquet. After the ceremony, we went for lunch at a French restaurant and ate cake. It was one of the happiest days of my life. Our love story feels like a fairy tale.  A ...

We decided to have a high school get-together at the nearby amusement park. We all met at the Velenjak Gas Station on Chamran Highway near the amusement park. Our group consisted of myself, Alireza F., Mohammad, Rad, Amir, Amir’s cousin and Babak. I was wearing a blue tee shirt under a light tracksuit top. Babak arrived with a white and yellow shirt that definitely drew attention to itself. I remarked to him that he might get in trouble for it but he explained that he had worn the same shirt that morning to Mellat Park and nothing had happened. As we walked towards the amusement park, Rad told me about that day’s game between Argentina and the Soviet Union.  “It was an incredible game. Maradona saved a shot with his arm on his own goal line and the ref didn’t call it. Something happened to the Argentine keeper and he had to be substituted out.” I was familiar with Pumpido from the 1986 games and felt like this would be a big loss for the Argentines. “Was the replacement any good?” ...

In the fall of 2022, Melika Mohammadi Gazvar Olya left Iran for Turkey, took a flight to Nicaragua and then made her way to the United States. For Melika and her father, it meant weeks of walking and taking bus rides through Central America, an arduous trek made hazardous by extortionate smugglers, criminal gangs and corrupt local officials that has led Amnesty International to call the migrant route “the Most Dangerous Journey”. Melika had made it from Iran to the US, but her legal ordeal on American soil had just begun. At a Texas district court, an immigration judge ordered her deportation to Iran after her asylum claim was denied. One day, after nearly 10 months in detention, Melika was escorted by ICE agents into a van with tinted windows and driven away. It was only when she stepped out onto the tarmac of El Paso airport that she realied what was happening. Nearly two years later, Melika remembers that fateful day with clarity. “In October 2023, ICE drove me away in a van – witho...

We had a particularly harsh winter that year with constant snow. While normally I would have been upset about such weather, however, that year it had a pleasant side effect. As a result of our fields constantly being covered in snow, there were no basketball or volleyball matches, hence their fields remained empty. After taking down the volleyball net, we utilized the two adjacent fields and created one huge soccer field. It was a bit lopsided as the basketball pole made one goal post and thus the field was shifted to that side but it did not matter to us. With a huge field at our disposal and cushioned by snow, we were free to practice crosses, bicycle kicks, tackles and any other high-risk acrobatic moves. Playing in such conditions gave me a lot of exposure and I received feedback from many of my peers often comparing me to current players. Many of them said my style resembled that of Spain’s Emilio ‘the vulture’ Butragueno where I would always be ready to pounce on any loose balls ...

"Nandor the Relentless," portrayed by Kayvan Novak, is a fierce Ottoman warrior and a caller of house meetings. He is the de facto head of the vampire household, and despite his reputation as a conqueror, he’s actually a bit of a softy.  Novak was born in London to Iranian parents and speaks fluent Persian. As the alter-ego creator of the BAFTA-winning, prank-call telephone-terrorist Fonejacker, he once played a character named Irish Mike who, whilst working for the 'Tweak Your Mum by Her Nipples & Tell Her That You Love Her Wildlife Awareness Ltd', inquired of a stranger “Are you a bird lover? Have you heard about the tragic plight of the wrinkled ball sack?”  "I'm Iranian, which means I feel that I have more right to take off other races and religions, being an 'ethnic' myself. But it's a mythical character, the Fonejacker, and it's all tongue in cheek...  You don't read many positive things about Iran in the press, which is depress...

Soccer games continued during recess and I still managed to score many goals albeit some in an unusual fashion. During one of such games, as I played for Zavarian’s team, we had a goal kick. Our keeper launched the ball forward and as it dipped down in the opposing box, Zavarian, who in addition to being an excellent soccer player was also one of the tallest kids in our class, went up for a header with his back to the goal. Seeing how he had it covered I scrambled to the side to get out of his way and prevent him accidentally bumping into and tripping over me. He made contact with the ball, heading and flicking it to one side – the same side I was running to. The ball hit me in the back of the head and ricocheted into the net. The whole incident happened so quickly that I did not even realize that I was the one who touched the ball last. Much to my dismay though they credited Zavarian with the goal in spite of my protests that the ball would have gone wide if not for my presence.  ...