Absolute Random Nonsense

In the mid 2000s anytime I mailed a bill I would pour a bit of coffee on the payment slip so it would leave a brown stain and I'd write a note next to it saying "Sorry I accidentally dropped this in the toilet."   

I give permission to everyone to shoot me if they ever see me waking up in a new Bugatti.

Sometimes when I'm bored I go into the garden and I cover myself in soil to pretend I'm a carrot.

I've always worked for a living. How am I gonna get through?   

It's tough getting on in the world when the sun doesn't shine and a boy needs a girl. It's about getting out of a rut. You need luck but you're stuck and don't know how.

I'm wearing a sweatshirt that is hotter than a rocket on the 4th of July.   

While George Michael and Andrew Ridgeley were part of the group Wham!, after the breakup of Wham! each released solo albums with a song containing the phrase C-c-c-c-c-come on.   

If I come any closer I might fall into your silhouette but the shape of things to come is constantly changing.

  What would you do if there was no tomorrow? And where would you go if you knew this was your last day on Earth?

Confess and you'll feel fine. And if you got the time to spare we want to know which name you're wearing.   

What is the fastest way to get strawberry jelly out of your butt crack?   

I've heard from a lot of people that it's almost impossible to navigate to the coordinates of 35.7018° N, 51.3514° E.   

Two actual islands off the coast of Estonia are named the "Island of Lovers" and the "Island of Whores" with a very treacherous passage between them. I experienced this treacherous passage first-hand on a vacation visit to Estonia in the summer of 2000. I was staying at a small luxury resort, Pädaste Manor, on the island of Muhu, when my host organized a boat trip to another nearby island. But a sudden severe storm forced the party to abandon their excursion mid-course and return to the safety of the resort.   

Some days as I'm walking down the street I wonder if I may bump into someone who has/had been admitted to Sharif University. But then I realize the odds are very low as very few people are capable of gaining admission there.  

I'm moody and gray. I'm mean and I'm restless. So restless indeed.

So sick of the same old faces in this street where nobody talks to me. And the funny side of the situation is I don't care. I could have been so alone without my precious box.   

Well it looks like the road to heaven but it feels like the road to hell.   

People did you see that fire in the City?

I'm looking for a song that's by a duo. Part of it goes like this: Guy: My heart burns for you like a sun at noon Girl: My desert welcomes you like the rain in a monsoon

Let's play a game where we say one true thing and two lies and you have to figure out which statement is true. I'll go first: Everybody here is gay. Everybody here swims in their own diarrhea. I went to Sharif University.

There's a vampire in the limousine. I don't wanna wake up.

Can you hear me? If you can hear me let me know. I am your doctor. You may be experiencing feelings of confusion. Don't be afraid. I've seen these symptoms before. Ten to twenty new cases each week. We call this condition 'Danceophobia.' I'm going to keep you in for observation. I may have to work on you throughout the night. We have to trust each other. And together, I think we can beat this thing before the music ends.   

I would like some help in writing a love letter to a tree in my backyard.

What happens if an eagle is afraid of heights?   

Once when my girlfriend was away on a business trip I called her hotel and since she couldn't be with me to make out with me as soon I was connected to her room without even saying a word I began french kissing my phone. Much to my horror I realized they had connected me to the wrong room and there was a guy on the other end of the line. Much more to my horror I realized that the guy was also french kissing his phone.   

I sometimes wish I had a pet giraffe so I could kill it and feed it to my pet walrus.   

Can someone sing soft kitty to me?   

My heart is going boom. There's a strange taste in my mouth.

The North American bobcat is a close relative of the Persian babr and in all likelihood found its way to Canada and the US through the Bering Straight. In fact originally the bobcat was known as the bobrcat until its name was gradually changed to accommodate an easier pronunciation of its name.   

I sometimes fear that people admire me because of my educational background as opposed to my personality.