Absolute Random Nonsense

This was the first time I heard about Ruud Gullit and van Basten.  

Yesterday at work on my lunch break I took a walk outside and passed a nearby pond. A group had gathered and were trying to save some kid who had fallen in and could not swim. I kept walking as their situation did not concern me. I went back to work before our break was over and saw someone in the prayer room crying and praying out loud: Here I am, O my Lord, Here I am! Labbaik, allahumma, labbaik! I can feel it coming in the air tonight, Oh Lord! I've been waiting for this moment for all my life, oh Lord!   

Years ago when I suspected the girl I was seeing was cheating on me I confronted her at a dinner date by asking her questions in rapid succession: Is he better than me? Was it your place or his? Who was there?   

 He turns on the animal. It's that time of day.

The lady at my table doesn't want me here. I just want to talk to her. But will she laugh at my accent and make fun of me?

Yesterday I got out of bed at half past ten and phoned up a friend who's a party animal.   

In one of my previous jobs I had to pick a 3-letter sign-in password. When asked by my boss what I wanted it to be I stated V-O-R and made it sound like I was choosing random letters.

What I sometimes forget is how incredibly unique and astonishing getting into Sharif University is as to me it came with minimal effort.   

I sometimes think and wish I could do something incredibly unique and astonishing. Then I realize I already have right after high school.

When boarding a plane I just shuffle along with the rest, keep my head down, try not to make eye contact and maybe let out an occasional "Moo."   

Lately I've become so easy to disturb with a thought, with a whisper.

It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. I miss Sharif University.   

I remember when I first arrived in the US due to the different culture I was brought up in, the folks in town teased me and considered me "not right" and implied slight mental illness or simply being different. I was in a relationship of some kind with this girl in town. She once told me, “Everybody thinks I should be afraid of you, but I’m not.” The town's sheriff would take photographs of us and follow one or both of us in his vehicle. Eventually I caught her making love to an unidentified person. Shortly afterwards the sheriff also arrived and spotted me. I fled, leaving my scarf behind on the branch of a bush. My girlfriend disappeared under suspicious circumstances and was later found dead. Shunned by many, I was immediately considered the main suspect. While in the interrogation room, I was shown a white cloth, which the sheriff identified as the item used to strangle the girl. I denied that the girl and I were romantically involved. Locals vandalized o...

It's not a crime when I look the way I do.   

Yesterday I had a fever. My hands felt just like two balloons.   

Yesterday I had to empty and move everything out of my car. I believe I felt the weight from another world.   

In the 80s I had a mixed tape made for me. The tune of one of the songs has been in my head for the past few days although I didn't know the name of it or the singer and other than a few words (that turned out to be wrong) none of the lyrics. I surprised myself by finding it via Google. It was Respectable by Mel & Kim.   

Last night I met up with this girl. Unbeknownst to us someone had come in through the window of her apartment and left bloodstains on the carpet.   

To fall in love, is it so uncool?   

I remember one summer I was hanging out by the railings of the motorshed. There was this girl China who went with a real hit biker who was a metalhead. She would always look me up and down, talking dirty eyes. A bit later I ran into her while other guys broke heads in the Sugar Shack. She offered me a drink but I told her not to give me a drink as I didn't wanna get too stoned. She laughed and commented that we were gonna see who was gonna take who home. She suggested that maybe we take a ride going south where her mother writes. We left it all so far away but one thing was sure and that was that China got the runaround.

I won't be coming home tonight.   

I'm on my way. I'm making it.   

How can you tell where you're going to? You can't be sure of any situation. Something can change and then you won't know. 

On a dark and foggy night, my wife and I approached a mansion. A sign reading “BEWARE” hung on the gate; I checked a slip of paper to confirm we were in the right place. I was in full-tilt geek mode: glasses, curly hair, sweater vest, bow tie. My wife was wearing an orange tie-dyed sundress. It was as awful as it sounds. We bumbled our way inside the mansion, bumping into doors and tripping over our own feet while gawking at our opulent surroundings. The lavish dining room was populated with the usual assortment of grim-visaged servants, crusty old gentlemen, dowagers in funny hats, and glamorous blonds. First and foremost amongst the glamorous blond was our host, the extra-pretty, extra-petite lord of the manor. While the guests regarded us with disdain, my wife and I fumbled around the dining room and act like rubes. A dowager handed me a glass of wine. When my wife dropped her handkerchief, I bent down to pick it up… just as an archer popped in through a window and ridd...

You see that face on the billboard? That man is me.   

If in 2003 you were a slightly overweight gothic girl who was dancing in the stands behind one of the goals at Giants Stadium during a Metrostars game please pm me.   

All I learned at 17 is all I know now.   

Where can I find any old albums by Ellen Aim and the Attackers?   

My 3rd and 4th grade classmate died in 2009. He didn't even make it to 40.   

Did you have chelo kabab before you went to your new house?   

Last night I was at a club full of smoke and sweet perfume. There was this young, smart, pretty girl there and the moves she made just took my breath away. I should have tried to forget but I couldn't keep my distance. She was a brown eyed sweet potato. She was too young for me no matter what you say. I was hit when she exploded. I never realized the punch she threw at me.