Absolute Random Nonsense

The good thing about being in a Spanish speaking country is that you can call them olagh to their face and they think you are saying hi.   

It's 6:40 am. Do you know where your children are?   

I had bought a Duran Duran shirt in 2002 and had been wearing it up until last year. Last year I realized it was too worn out so I decided to throw it in one of those salvation army boxes. On one weekend after I finished my grocery shopping I spotted a salvation army box next to the Shoprite I was at and so threw the shirt in there. It was a very unique shirt, not one that you could buy in a store but either at a concert or directly from the band's website (which is what I had done). The following week I spotted an employee in Shoprite wearing it. I know she was an employee because although not in uniform she was sitting in an employee-only section in their break section. There is no way that they had emptied the box this quick and distributed its contents. I'm guessing she just reached in and took it it out herself.  

I've been in this grass here for the last ten hours.   

Yesterday I bought 3 ratls of meat and asked my wife to prepare it for dinner. When I came back from work the meat was missing. I asked my wife what happened to it and she said the cat ate it. So I weighed the cat and saw that it weighed 3 ratls. So I asked my wife, "If this is the cat, then where is the meat? And if this is the meat, then where is the cat?"

Donny and Marie they have fabulous hair!!!!!!!!!!!!!   

It would be funny if a grown man was driving back from work and attempted a fart but instead sharted.   

I wonder how many of these have sold:  

Chrissy Teigen disgusts me more than many celebrities.   

Can somebody please sing the next verse? Ah, ah, ah, ah, hey, hey, hey...

The sun always shines on TV.

I'm back from the Wawoo Spa which was one of the weirdest experiences of my life. Every 20 minutes a gong was rung and all the workers would stop what they were doing and in unison chant wawooooooooooo.....

There are two Doinks!

I sometimes think Amy Grant and Julie Foudy are the same person.   

The main love interest in Voltaire's novel Candide is called کون گنده.

I know my ladder from my snake.   

ASC New Stars of Houston, formerly Aria Soccer Club, was founded by Reza and Taher Khalili. They have many Iranians in their coaching ranks such as Majid Savadkoohi, Mehdi Azodi, Reza Daneshmand, Ali Daneshmand and Arash Noamouz.  

I've realized that I never lose it, I never chose this way, I never close my eyes, and that I always shine.

It is accurate to say that Alecko Eskandarian has never known life without soccer. “Really my earliest memory is being in the locker room with my dad’s Cosmos team,” said Eskandarian, 34, who is now the senior manager of player relations/competition at Major League Soccer HQ in Manhattan. “I was just starting to walk, but was already kicking a ball around. I remember all the different faces. I was loving it as a little kid, though I had no concept, no idea. I was just so excited about being around soccer players. “In locker room were all the guys: Hubert [Birkenmeier] and my dad were closest. Carlos Alberto would come into the locker room after different tours and he was always a guy my dad loved. Carlos would pull me aside to teach new things. I also loved kicking around with guys like Darryl Gee and David Brcic.” Not a bad way to cut your soccer teeth, before even cutting your real teeth. Birkenmeier (a German) and Andranik Eskandarian (an Armenian Christian from...

Does anyone remember the name of the ESPN announcer that every time he mentioned Jari Litmanen's name would move his neck like a Turkey?   

Many Iranians believe that Freddy Mercury's real name is Fereydoon Atarod.   

Enrique the Traitor.  

Have any of you taken a poop and after pooping looked down in the toilet bowl only to realize the poop has vanished?   

Less flashy than Messi but just as lethal.  

Iranians have been in MLS for the following stretches: 1996 Arash Noamouz, Omid Namazi 1997 Arash Noamouz 1999 Mohammad Khakpour, Chris Brown 2000 Mohammad Khakpour, Khodada Azizi, Chris Brown  2003-2007 Alecko Eskandarian, Chris Brown 2007-2009 Alecko Eskandarian 2010 Alecko Eskandarian, Mehrdad Beitashour 2011-Current Mehrdad Beitashour

It's so loud.  

Last night I was in a restaurant when this guy came in with a gun in his hand pointing at his head. He was clearly mad and too unstable as he kicked in chairs and knocked down tables. I called the police to let them know there was a mad man around.

Gary Numan's daughter is named Persia.   

Are any of you guys in love with the shape of me?   

Do any of you guys get romantic with cats?