Absolute Random Nonsense

In 2014 I had been working on building a giant ship for a few years. I thought it would be cool if one day everyone came over to my house and then it suddenly started pouring and we all ran into the ship and everywhere flooded and the ship carried us away and ultimately it landed in the stadium as the Iran-Nigeria game was in progress and so we would all get to see the game for free.  

These pretzels are making me thirsty.  

Roya Radafshar is on Judge Judy. She beat up her boyfriend.

"We always qualify when we are grouped with Bulgaria." - French national team coach Michel Platini, upon being placed in a qualifying group with Sweden, Bulgaria, Austria, Finland and Israel for the 1994 World Cup

Belinda Carlisle likes Marjan Satrapi's book Persepolis.

If you're participating in an obstacle race in the near future, you might want to make extra sure to keep your mouth closed during the mud-wading portion of the run. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention released a report showing that 22 people got sick during a long-distance adventure obstacle course because they had inadvertently consumed water that had been contaminated with cow or pig feces. According to the report, three active-duty members of the military showed up to an emergency department in Nevada in October 2012 with symptoms of fever, bloody diarrhea and vomiting. After doctors interviewed them, they found that they had all participated in an obstacle adventure race on a cattle ranch, "in which competitors frequently fell face first into mud or had their heads submerged in surface water," the report said. The Nellis Air Force Base Public Health Flight investigated further, and found that 22 people overall -- including 18 probable cas...

In October 2004, Bullock won a multimillion-dollar judgment against Benny Daneshjou, the builder of her Lake Austin, Texas home.

Scots are idiots to have thought they can win the 1978 World Cup.   

This girl in my neighborhood likes me and she threw a red tampon at my family's garden. I instantly picked it up and I then smelled the tampon. It had the same beautiful scent as her. I then saw her at the balcony and I went to her house and climbed up to her. When I was standing in front of her face to face, she told me "If you want to prove to me that you are a real man, you will have to find me". I proceeded to find her. She was doing a combination of smiling and laughing while she was running. I was also smiling and laughing while I ran after her. It was very fun. We played cat and mouse game. I was the cat and she was the mouse. I then reached her and said "Now I have you my beautiful lady" and she said "I will now walk around you" and I said "I will also walk around you" and then we both proceeded to walk around each other. After a couple of minutes, I then walked home. It was a very good day and I really enjoyed spending t...

A few years back every day on my way to work I would pass an adult store. In its window were a number of mannequins. One of them was sitting with its head bowed down as if it was ashamed of what it was doing but had no choice.   

Is it true that you are not really clean unless you are zestfully clean?

Nasim Pedrad was in Despicable Me.

I can't seem to find Noah's Ark. Can anyone help me?  

I remember in college a classmate, Farrouk, had told me that to be safe he would always pee in the sink.

Look at me in my brand new Hyundai.

David Ginola has some nerve staying in France.   

Last night I had a dream that I was walking like a man and hitting like a hammer. I came across a girl who was like a juvenile scam and was tasty like a raindrop. Before long there was fire in the ice as we were both naked to the T-bone. We were banging on the head drum and shaking like a mad bull.  

It is a well know fact that overall the 1986 World Cup was the best one ever and will probably never be topped.  

LOL damn loser calls himself Iranian. Check out what he posted! Let's all teach him a lesson that he'll never forget.

Has anyone ever danced on the ceiling?

سکس حاج آقایی: حاج خانم بی زحمت مرحمتی بفرمائید و لنگتان را هوا کنید و قدری در کاخ گلستان را بگشایید تا بلکه به یاد شمشیرزنی حمزه عم مصطفی ما هم فضلی ببریم و اگر فرجی بشه شمشیر برانمون را تیز کنیم تا به یاری پروردگار درون شما منزل کند.  

The time has come for them to begin.  

It was me the whole time.   

On July 21, 2016 I was writing about July 23, 1991.   

If I ever see anyone say galbani and then kiss their fingers I will kick them in the groin.   

Sometimes I wish my name was Birooroo the bigoodi eater.   

Has anyone stood in the track of a runaway train?   

 Good Lord......

From now on I will only wear fake True Religion clothes.   

I enjoy eating cheeseburgers with freedom fries.

Who can tell whose number is this? 877-393-4448. (Please sing it as you recite the number)