I once felt like I had diarrhea but then the feeling went away. Then I felt like burping but then the feeling went away. Then I felt like farting but then the feeling went away. Then I felt like puking but then the feeling went away. Then I felt like peeing but then the feeling went away. Then I felt like burping but then the feeling went away. Then I felt like lactating but then the feeling went away. Then I felt like sneezing but then the feeling went away. Then all of the feelings came back at once and everything shot out of me at the same time causing my body to cave in.
"My parents, brother, and I left Iran in 1980, shortly after the revolution. After a brief stay in Italy, we packed all our belongings once again and headed west to the exotic and the unknown: Vancouver. We had recently been accepted as landed immigrants, meaning Canada graciously opened its doors and we gratefully accepted; we arrived at Vancouver International Airport on my 10th birthday, three suitcases and one sewing machine in tow. After respectful but intense questioning at immigration, we were dropped off at a hotel on Robson Street, which was then still a couple years shy of becoming the fashionable tourist hub it is today. We were jetlagged, culture shocked, and hungry, so that first night, my father and brother courageously ventured out into the wild in search of provisions. I fell asleep before they returned. The next morning, I woke up at 5 a.m. and ravenously feasted on a cold Quarter Pounder with cheese and limp French fries that had been left by my beds...

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