It had taken a couple of weeks of negotiation but Joe finally got the deal he wanted and drove out of the dealership in his brand new Explorer. His girlfriend knew his real motivation for buying a utility vehicle was because he loved to go four-wheeling on Saturdays with his friends and felt a little conspicuous when he was always doing the "riding" and never the driving.

Joe arrived and ran into her house as excited as a nine-year-old boy with his first bicycle. Mary was working at her computer as Joe came up behind her, gave her a big kiss on the cheek and said, "C'mon, c'mon, let's go! Let's go for a ride."

They jumped into the Explorer and headed out of town. After a few minutes, Joe pulled over to the side of the road and invited Mary to drive. She got behind the wheel and found that she really enjoyed the sensation of sitting up so high with a great view of everything ahead of her.

Joe instructed, "Hang a left here" and as Mary followed his directions she found herself heading into the late afternoon sun. To shield her eyes, she quickly reached up and pulled down the visor. She felt something "plop" right into her lap and then roll onto the floor of the truck. "What was that?" she exclaimed.

"I don't know. Better pull over and let's check it out".

Once they were pulled over on a side road, Mary found a little blue velvet box on the floor and looked over at Joe quizzically. "What's this?"

Sporting a foolish grin, Joe just shrugged his shoulders. Mary opened the box to find an alligator pendant with ruby chips for its eyes. "Oh my gosh! What's this all about?" she exclaimed with great pleasure.

"Well, honey, I love you like a love song. You're a wonderful girlfriend and I don't tell you often enough how much I appreciate you. Thank you."

Mary leaned over to hug Joe and said, "You're the best Joe. I'm just happy you're happy!"

The two stepped out of the car and hugged. They glanced at the hill in front of them and Joe gleefully said, “Let’s go rolling down!” He didn’t even wait for Mary’s answer and flung himself on the green grass and began tumbling down the hill, laughing all the way. He finally stopped and realized that she had not followed his lead. He slowly began climbing back up the hill as he retraced the path of flattened grass and flowers. As he continued his ascent he realized he had rolled over a fresh batch of cow poop. Further up he realized he had rolled over a decaying dead raccoon. Further up he realized he had rolled over human vomit. Further up he realized he had rolled over an old man tanning and masterbating in the nude, crushing and killing him in the process. Further up he realized he had rolled over a napkin that someone had blown their nose in. Further up he realized he had rolled over a pile of used tampons. Further up he realized he had rolled over HIV infected syringes. Further up he realized he had rolled over discarded poop stained underwear. Further up he realized he had rolled over a half eaten lizard. Further up he realized he had rolled over a pool of bloody diarrhea. Further up he realized he had rolled over a severed umbilical cord. Further up he realized he had rolled over some used condoms. He finally made it to the top of the hill and told Mary, “I hate you.” He then killed her.