Absolute Random Nonsense

Homayoun Hatami thought the woman walking past him on Geelong waterfront was acting strangely and when she jumped into icy Corio Bay he followed her without ­hesitation. Mr Hatami’s swift and ­determined action saved her life and now the Iranian asylum seeker, in Geelong on community detention, has ­received an Australian bravery award for his actions. Governor-General Sir Peter Cosgrove has formally stamped his citation among annual decorations. Mr Hatami, 25, also Australian champion karate ­exponent, will receive his award at Victoria’s Government House later in the year. He emerged covered in scratches after about 20 minutes in the water saving the woman as she tried to fight him off. His citation reads: “On seeing the woman dive fully clothed into the cold, isolated and poorly lit waters, Mr Hatami undressed and dived in. “Although the woman continually struggled and ­resisted Mr Hatami’s ­attempts, he swam her back to the safety of the pier. “Mr Hatami restrained the wom...

Booby trap spelled backwards is party boob.

Eight hours a day, five days a week, from 3 to 11 p.m., Hormoz Tabrizi works the front desk of the Nite Lite Inn in National City. He checks in guests, answers phones and takes room-service orders. He makes $4.50 an hour. This is not the typical evening schedule for a professional athlete. Tabrizi, a rookie defender for the Sockers, has found that playing in the Major Indoor Soccer League doesn’t necessarily mean expensive cars and a lavish life style. But life style is relative. Tabrizi, who moved to the United States 4 1/2 years ago from Iran, was very excited when he became a Socker last week. “I had tears in my eyes when I got back to my car after I signed the contract,” he said. Tabrizi, 22, who was an All-American at Hawthorne College in New Hampshire, was signed by the Sockers last Thursday to a one-year contract. He’ll be paid $2,000 a month. Enough to make this a happy, if implausible, ending to a trip on which Tabrizi set out nine months ago. “Of all of the bad thi...

I had discovered the secret to keeping a 5 o'clock shadow throughout the week without my employer being able to object to it for looking unshaven.   

On August 13, 1999 at Foxwoods Casino the opening notes of "Friends of Mine" began playing and while it sounded familiar I initially couldn't identify it until Nick's keys kicked up a notch and Simon walked on stage in a cowboy hat.  During the pause between the first 4 verses and the next 4, Simon eerily said, "This is not a nice song." As Simon went through the lyrics, he got to the verse: "Running cold, the water's running cold", he then improvised by saying, "I'll be the first to admit", and then continuing the next verse "It's time that you were told, I think you're growing old". At the time he was 40, Nick was 37 and Warren was 42.

Sherwin Benlevi was on the people's court. Judging by his first name (but not last name) and appearance I suspected he was Iranian. His accent confirmed it for me.

National Geographic spotlighted its Pictures of the Year in its December 2024 issue that included photojournalist Babak Tafreshi capturing Mexican free-tailed bats as they flew out of Frio Cave in Texas.  

In the summer of 1992 when I got a sneak peak at my dorm for the fall semester I noticed they had not painted the room. As such there was a lengthy script presumably about the prior occupant and rules and regulations concerning him. It started with "Dan the doorman will not have sex". I wonder what happened to Dan the Doorman. His room was on the second floor of Lafayette dormitory at the University of Connecticut in Storrs.

Just made the most kick ass snowman ever although at the end it kind of backfired as it came alive and attacked me.   

I was up in Montreal, Canada and I met up with a couple of friends, one of them being Iranian. We decided to go to the Casino (the Iranian guy is a very big gambler) so he took us to the VIP section. On one of the tables there was 2 Asian men, 1 Caucasian man, and a mid age blond woman. The table limit was $500 minimum, the blonde woman bet $1000 on one hand of blackjack, then me and my friend started to speak Persian. We actually started to make fun of her, and he kept telling me it will be nice to pick that woman up just for her money, so we started to go along and make jokes about it, and kept passing her to each other as a treat. Then all of the sudden she turned back and started to speak Persian with us. She said دستتون درد نکنه میشه لطفا تصمیمتون را بگیرید که کدومتون میخواد منو بلند کنه. اینقدر تعارف نکنید. We were shocked. No way she was Iranian, she didn’t look Iranian at all, so we didn’t answer because we were shocked, and then she said خیلی میخوام بدونم شما از چه خا...

Cyrus and Maryam Nikou were on Million Dollar Listing.  

What do you do if you are stuck somewhere and have explosive diarrhea and yet the bathroom does not provide sufficient privacy as far as being sound proof?   

Katelyn Ansari found herself a date at Home Depot.  

For the longest time I thought that the song "Wild boys" was performed by Wham! and it wasn't intil 1995 when I bought Duran Duran's Arena album and heard it on there that I realized my mistake. I think it was probably due to me mixing up Wild Boys with Bad Boys.  

"So I am not a “foozool” person. That’s a lie. I am. With my friends, I am. with my husband, I am. If someone’s texting, I’m like, “Who are you texting?” But I don’t ask a lot of questions of people, but it’s such a thing in our culture. People are very upset with me because I call it part of Persian culture. Obviously, it’s not a part of our greater culture. It’s like we have an amazing, beautiful centuries-old culture. But we like to know what’s going on with everybody. I wanted to make something like “MTV Cribs.” And my original idea was I would show up to celebrities’ homes as my different characters, and then my different characters would go through their things. But then I was working with – I was kind of bouncing off ideas with Sina Valiollah. Do you know him? He’s like Persian Jimmy Kimmel. He’s incredible. So, and he was like, “No, you should kind of do it as yourself.” And so I became this really annoying character. And then, so now it’s like this mixture o...

In middle school our school song was: "Nikan is the school that’s cool and you know that it’s true. The girls are the cutest and the guys are the hippest too." It was slightly odd as our school was all male.

When Dorsa Derakhshani was 19 years old, she came to the United States with six suitcases and a passport. St. Louis University offered her a full ride scholarship if she played on the chess team for up to six years, and she knew she couldn't pass it up. However, she is more than just a college student — she is the second Iranian woman in history to become a chess international master. She won the Asian Youth Chess Championship three times, her first win being at 14 years old. She was awarded the prestigious titles of woman grandmaster and international master in 2016, among the highest ranks awarded in chess by the International Chess Federation. Her team at St. Louis University won silver in the 2017 Pan-American Intercollegiate Chess Championship, the highest-rated intercollegiate team competition in chess. She went on to finish third in the 2020 U.S. Women’s Championships. Now, she plays on the chess team for the University of Missouri while in her second year of me...

I have accomplished one of my life long goals of conducting a secret hand shake at a hospital.   

If you could have the operation for free, would you seal your butt hole and install too smaller butt holes in your armpits instead?

I remember this revolutionary song in which people were milking cows and wearing their clothes.  

When I was in the 8th grade there was this 7th grader who used to boast about his knowledge regarding kolof. We later on realized what he meant was a molotov cocktail which for some reason he called kolof.

When I was in my early teens I had invented a shot that I called the Fujiyama shot. Essentially it was just a very strong kick but as I wound up for it I would keep saying Fujiyama in a menacing tone which would give everyone notice to clear out of the way. I'm not sure if it was any stronger (or weaker) than my regular shots. I remember one time as I wound up for it the boy in front of me turned his back and when I kicked the ball it hot him smack in the middle of his butt. I later joked that the shear force of it probably made it actually go up his butt.

Does anyone know somewhere that they cut of your ears if they don't like your face?   

In 2011 for the 3rd time in my life I spotted a double rainbow. This is a sign that I will become a millionaire.  

Last time I was in California I paid a visit to the Universal Studio's, there was an native American section, there was a big shop which sold Sioux souvenirs, there worked Sioux guys there (maybe mixed and not 100% Indian) I was looking to the pictures of their leaders and their arts. It was a hot summer and I was everyday at the beach so I was very brownish, I also had long hair. A guy told me where I am from, I told him from Senegal, he said you don't look African at all, I said I am originally from Iran. Then that guy said Great God, I thought you were native American too, an older guy told me that he also believed that the Sioux have caucasian influences, so they have a big nose and bigger eyes, not a little nose and narrow eyes as the Mongolians, but very interesting was the motifs on their carpets, which that old wise man said also they look very Iranian, I saw a book with all of Sioux motifs in it, also their religion resembles ours, their God is Wakan Tank...

I almost got myself fired today. An oriental man came to me and started talking to me with an Indian accent. It was just so unexpected I couldn't prevent my laughter slightly spilling out.   

Ramin Taheri works as an assistant editor on Wheel of Fortune. He looks nothing like I imagined him.

Even at this age I wish I had a pair of zany zappers so I could wear them in the dark and make stupid faces.

Feet are the shoeist Cows are the mooiest Gum is the chewiest Bluebirds are the blueist Ghosts are the booiest Jelly is the gooiest Owls are the hooiest Moses is the jewiest Ex-lax is the pooiest Wangsters are the cooiest Couples are the twoiest Rick Flair is the wooiest Animals are the zooiest Detectives are the clueist Vertigo is the U2iest Nuts are cashewiest Eskimos are the iglooiest Sticky is the glueiest Sexy is the see-throughiest