To liven up this place I have a great idea for initiating the next 10 subscribers. We can force them to do a humiliating song and dance. Drinking a concoction of multiple different things might be alright. Then we will force them to wear a tight outfit while their hands are duck taped together. Then they have to drink a huge spaghetti pot full of warm beer that's been left out all day. Then we pelt them with water balloons, water guns and shaving cream. Then we kidnap them and take them to a park or forest with lots of trails through it and blindfold each member. Then we make them wear funky kilts, hats, pants, skirts and other clothes. Then we pair them off in groups of 2 and challenge them to a milkshake drinking competition. One of them will be given a regular vanilla milkshake, and the other is given an identical in appearance milkshake, however it is in fact a mayonnaise milkshake. Then we will paint their noses black, and then put black spots all over them, put a bell around their neck, and then parade them around like cows and force them to moo. Then we will force them to sit on balloons full of shaving cream and they have to pop them while sitting on them. Then we take them to a giant bowl of jello and whip cream where they have to get items out of the bowl with their mouths. Then we put a soccer ball between their legs and make them weave through cones but the ball will be drenched in baby oil. Then they have to go slide on a huge piece of plastic with peanut butter on it. Then we give them a roll of toilet paper and force them to sell them for 25 cents a square to get breakfast. Then we kill them.
"My parents, brother, and I left Iran in 1980, shortly after the revolution. After a brief stay in Italy, we packed all our belongings once again and headed west to the exotic and the unknown: Vancouver. We had recently been accepted as landed immigrants, meaning Canada graciously opened its doors and we gratefully accepted; we arrived at Vancouver International Airport on my 10th birthday, three suitcases and one sewing machine in tow. After respectful but intense questioning at immigration, we were dropped off at a hotel on Robson Street, which was then still a couple years shy of becoming the fashionable tourist hub it is today. We were jetlagged, culture shocked, and hungry, so that first night, my father and brother courageously ventured out into the wild in search of provisions. I fell asleep before they returned. The next morning, I woke up at 5 a.m. and ravenously feasted on a cold Quarter Pounder with cheese and limp French fries that had been left by my beds...

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