Absolute Random Nonsense

Does anyone know where I can buy one of those umbrellas that when you press the button instead of opening up it turns into a live gorilla?

I need a volunteer to allow me for the next 10 days to call them Roxana gherti boogandoo.

This morning I sexily woke up and secretly got dressed. I seductively made some eggs and diagonally had my breakfast. I then tragically went shopping and quickly bought some groceries. I then crouchingly came home and mysteriously watched some TV. I then poetically went swimming and savagely suntanned a bit. I then eagerly came home, alarmingly turned my computer on, heroically logged onto blogger and potentially typed up this post.

I hate it when you buy a seedless watermelon, and it's just a rock painted green.   

I've been thinking of recording a song called "Everybody Ramin Sadr tonight".

Will someone please smile at me like Jesus to a child?

I would like to start a nightly webcast where each night I have a different guest. We will dress up as a different superhero every night and dance seductively as we give the day's news highlights.   

Am I a box?

My first exposure to Duran Duran was in November of 1988 when I saw their name written on the wall of a prison cell although it was misspelled as Durn Durn.

The only thing better than an Iranian girl is an Iranian girl who went to Sharif University.

If someone is pooping while eating potatoes, would it make more sense for them to just throw the potatoes directly in the toilet to save some time?   

Can anyone tell me what show has sun, sex, sin, divine intervention, death and destruction?   

Does anyone get along get along without me very well get along very well?

A lot of people will make a big fuss if you double dip your chips in the dip (like the Seinfeld episode). The best way to avoid any complaints for double dipping is if you sneeze in the dip. No one will object to you double dipping afterwards. An equally effective method is if you throw up in the dip.  

For someone who doesn't have Sharif University caliber intelligence, do you think it's possible to attain Sharif University caliber intelligence by eating the toe nails of someone who already has Sharif University caliber intelligence?   

I bring the silence, I am protection for your mind. I also went to Sharif University.   

I can create illusions. I'll turn you around with reverse psychology. I also went to Sharif University.     

The “shi-shi” chant of Scottish supporters is relatively new and started as a result of some hardcore supporters getting excited about appearing on the stadium’s jumbotron. This particular group of fans, when noticing someone from their group being shown on the screen would try to quickly alert him so that he could also see. Unfortunately by the time they looked around and spotted him and informed him it would normally be too late and the screen would be showing the game again. So in an effort to receive immediate and full attention of all members of their group, they decided that every time one of them appeared on the screen to chant “shi-shi”, an inside code for them all to look at the screen. In one of the games following this particular arrangement as chance had it their were numerous shots of them, each time prompting them to chant “shi-shi” in unison. Fans sitting around them, either as a way of ridiculing them or simply for amusements purposes, joined in and would ...

Can anyone teach me how to dance seductively to Bulgarian music?

The best practical joke in the world would be during winter to have diarrhea in someone's gloves but not tell them until after they have put the gloves on.   

The other day I was at this restaurant where blonde waitresses took our trays, spun around and crossed the floor. There were foreigners there with hookah pipes and Japanese with their yen and Chinese and party boys calling the Kremlin. I dropped my drink thinking they would give me more but instead the waitress slid my feet, bent my back and shifted my arm. I tried to find a cop but they were all hanging out in a donut shop.

On Family Guy they referred to Persian cats as Iranian cats.   

I just watched an episode of Bob's Burgers where they were singing a song that only had the words peepee and poopoo (repeatedly) as its lyrics.

It had taken a couple of weeks of negotiation but Joe finally got the deal he wanted and drove out of the dealership in his brand new Explorer. His girlfriend knew his real motivation for buying a utility vehicle was because he loved to go four-wheeling on Saturdays with his friends and felt a little conspicuous when he was always doing the "riding" and never the driving. Joe arrived and ran into her house as excited as a nine-year-old boy with his first bicycle. Mary was working at her computer as Joe came up behind her, gave her a big kiss on the cheek and said, "C'mon, c'mon, let's go! Let's go for a ride." They jumped into the Explorer and headed out of town. After a few minutes, Joe pulled over to the side of the road and invited Mary to drive. She got behind the wheel and found that she really enjoyed the sensation of sitting up so high with a great view of everything ahead of her. Joe instructed, "Hang a left here" and as Mary follow...

Last night I had some kabab and ghelyoon but I mistakenly ate the ghelyoon and smoked the kabab.

When looking at these pictures Yakety Sax starts playing in my head.  

Has anyone ever been found guilty of love in the first degree?   

Brazil's women's u17 team has 5 stars above their crest even though their women's team has never won the World Cup.   

I like making constipated moose sounds.   

Does anyone know where I can get a copy of Michael Bolton's "When a man loves another man"?   

From the very beginning, the girl's family objected strongly on her screaming at this guy, saying that it has got to do with family constipation, & that the girl will have to smash her head against the wall for the rest of her life if she were to be with him. Due to family's pressure, the couple danced naked very often. Though the girl loved to poop on the guy deeply, she always asked him: "How deep is your love to poop on me?" As the guy is not good with his diarrhea, this often caused the girl to be very frog like. With that & the family's pressure, the girl often vents her anger on him. As for him, he only endured it in the toilet. After a couple of years, the guy finally pulled his pants down and decided to further his studies overseas. Before leaving, he bit the ankle of the girl. "I'm not very good with diarrhea. But all I know is that I love to poop on you. If you allow me, I will take care of you for the rest of my life. A...