Absolute Random Nonsense

Does anyone know what the zactly disease is?   

Who do you think would win in a mud wrestling match between Seymour Skinner and Joe Swanson?   

At Sharif University you could dine at the cafeteria if you had the cafeteria coupon. And even you didn't, there would always be other students standing outside the cafeteria, waiving their meal coupons and trying to sell them, much like it was done for all other coupons in any given place in Iran back in the day.   

Would it be wrong for a guy to wear short shorts as he pops Advil pills and screams?   

Where can I apply to become an elbow model?   

In the 10th grade our English teacher Mr. Taheri pronounced Hinduism as Hendyousiyom.   

Thank God we have been saved with the discovery of this restaurant in Patterson, NJ. I felt so bad each time I ate haram Chinese food.

I was 17 and I got a date with this hot chick who was 19 and I was so nervous and had butterflies in my stomach. My idiot ass ate some chili burgers right before I went to pick her up. Then when I saw her I got nervous again Because she looked better than ever and she was older. So 2 minutes into my driving I felt it coming, OH NOOOO I'm about to throw up. So I tried to hold it in and wasn't saying anything, then it came into my mouth, I was OOH OOH, and she was like whats wrong with you, are you ok? I didn't say anything because my mouth was full. I quickly pulled over, opened the door and bllaaaaaaaaa, threw up outside the car.    Luckily she was nice and didn't care, we ended up having a good date   

امروز اول مهره. کی اینو یادش میاد؟ آغاز سال نو، با شادی و سرور هم دوش و هم زبان، حرکت به سوی نور آغاز مدرسه، فصل شکفتن است در زنگ مدرسه، بیداری من است در دل دارم امید، بر لب دارم پیام هم شاگردی سلام، هم شاگردی سلام مهر از افق دمید، فصلی دگر رسید فصل کلاس و درس، ما را دهد نوید شد فصل کسب علم، فصل تلاش و کار دانش به نسل ما، می*بخشد اعتبار در دل دارم امید، بر لب دارم پیام هم شاگردی سلام، هم شاگردی سلام ای در کنار ما، آموزگار ما چون شمع روشنی، در روزگار ما روشن ز نور توست، کاشانه دلم در زندگی تویی، حلال مشکلم در دل دارم امید، بر لب دارم پیام هم شاگردی سلام، هم شاگردی سلام فردا از آن توست، ای نسل چاره ساز با یاری خدا، آینده را بساز ای عاشق بهار، ای با سپیده یار بذر عمل بکار، وابستگی سر آر در دل دارم امید، بر لب دارم پیام هم شاگردی سلام، هم شاگردی سلام  

How many of us grew up in Iran during our teenage years and thought we were so cool because we knew the English word vulva?   

I am an expert in spotting Iranians. I was at the mall and noticed an old woman pushing a baby carriage with twins in it. I immediately thought she was Iranian. Once we got in an elevator she called one of them Ariana which confirmed it for me. Next was a younger woman who was maybe in her late 20s or early 30s. Within an hour she had given her number and furthermore told me that she recognized me from various Iranian events.   

I have come up with a set of criteria and a system for choosing eligible players for TM.   

Today I was at the mall and my wife wanted to buy a cell phone case from one of the vendors who was on his cell phone. Just by his looks I guessed he was Iranian. The amount of k-words that he used in his phone conversation proved it. I wish I had recorded his conversation (and my wife's face as she was listening).   

As they say in Iran chelsea is cholmoo. By the way who remembers the store "eynak'e chelsea" on Jordan Boulevard?   

Mahsa really kicked ass on the apprentice. I find that somewhat honorable yet scary.   

If you like me type dampayee. If you hate me type gholombeh.   

An Iranian research scientist who filed a federal discrimination lawsuit in the United States alleging a co-worker at the University of Alabama at Birmingham (UAB) harassed her for nine years because of her ethnicity was awarded more than US$3.8 million in damages on Tuesday, writes Corky Siemaszko for NBC News . Fariba Moeinpour (62) said she was thrilled with the jury verdict, which was handed down in the Northern District of Alabama, and was ready to restart her life. “Day and night, I was looking for a job, any job, but nobody would hire me because my name was tarnished,” Moeinpour told NBC News . “Now, my good name has been restored.” UAB, according to the jury verdict, was ordered to pay Moeinpour US$3 million in damages. Mary Jo Cagle, a former UAB data analyst who was identified in the lawsuit as the person who harassed Moeinpour, was ordered to pay her US$500,000 in compensatory damages and US$325,000 more in punitive damages. Cagle, according to the lawsuit, be...

Almost everything is boinga here.   

Would it be wrong to chew on an old man’s elbow without him noticing it as I stare at a stop sign while wearing a sweater vest and hum “don’t let the sun go down on me”?   

Today I wanted to sneeze out of my ear but instead pooped out of my nose. I then wanted to puke out of my belly button but instead yawned out of my butt.   

One time me and a Chinese friend of mine were playing badminton in our garden and this bee flies into his hair and he starts screaming. Like going crazy and he's saying to me get it out get it out, and obviously I don't want to do it with my hand so I get a towel, roll it up and start hitting him on his head over and over again while he is screaming. It's so hard to help people when you are dying from laughter and beating them up.  

In the 70s alot of people had a fear of their oldest daughter zapping them.

توی ایران یک برنامه بود بنام رنگین کمان که آهنگش اینجوری بود: وقتی خورشید میتابه وقتی بارون میباره اخماتو از هم وا کن به آسمون نگاه کن رنگین کمان هفت رنگه رنگین کمان قشنگه قشنگه قشنگه توی این برنامه یک مجری بود و یک اردک عروسکی و همینطور یک آدم که لباس خرس پوشیده بود و اسمش خرسک بود. یک جونور دیگه هم بود که اصلا معلوم نبود چی هست و اسمش تندک بود.  یک بار یکیشون یک کلاه پیدا کرده بود و گذاشته بود روی سرش و میخوند: این یک کلاه تازش مال کدوم مغازست؟ سرخ و سفید و آبی به به عجب کلاهی یک بار هم داشتند ادای چیزهای مختلف را در میاوردند و قرار شد ادای قو در بیارند. مجری برنامه هم دستش را از آرنج و مچ خم کرد و آن را تکون میداد که مثلا این قو است. ولی قبل از اینکه این کار را بکند آستینش را زد بالا و دیدیم که دستش چقدر پشمالوئه. با دیدن دستش پیش خودم گفتم اسم این را باید میگذاشتند خرسک.

I have the hardest time imagining U2's Zoo Station in my head and not having it turn into Tom Petty's Runnin' Down a Dream.  

Michael Davoodifar and Ehsan Bashi were on Judge Judy and they had a Halloween party but didn't pay the security firm that was at their party so Judge Judy beat them up.  

An Iranian woman and her husband, who were among the seven who died in the sinking of the Bayesian superyacht last month off the coast of Sicil , passed away as a result of drowning, autopsies have revealed. The causes of death for Neda Nassiri and her husband Chris Morvillo were confirmed by coroners in Italy, as autopsies are planned Wednesday on the bodies of Jonathan Bloomer, chairman of Morgan Stanley’s London-based investment banking subsidiary, and his wife, Judy, according to The Associated Press. The Bayesian had 22 people on board – 12 passengers and 10 crew – when it capsized and sank within minutes of being hit by a predawn storm on Aug. 19. Civil protection officials said they believe the ship was struck by a tornado over the water, known as a waterspout, near the port of Porticello, where the yacht was anchored.   

I would like some lemon pledge.   

The best way to maintain a relationship is by careful shouting.

He could sit and watch TV a bit but it was too risky being so close to the coffee table and its precious contents.   He stared around, hoping to find something to take his mind off of his obvious pastime, but he kept drawing a blank.   Of course there must be something else in this house, something that was just waiting to be discovered to be done.   Just analyze the surroundings he told himself, use all of your senses, even your imagination.   A pink elephant immediately popped into his head and was just as quickly discarded.   Talking to a friend on a non-existent phone, a joyous conversation, the whir of passing traffic, the sighing of a breeze, a hint of a shadow, a picture by the door, the creak of the staircase, the light in the room spreading evenly, neither glaring nor too dark, the traces of perfume half-remembered from the past.   He could think of nothing else.   Clearly his houseful of nothing was not much help.     

Nothing like having to take the middle urinal because the left and right urinals are taken by two guys who in the midst of their peeing are also apparently in a farting contest.