Absolute Random Nonsense

In 1997 I bought my first CD, Duran Duran's 1990 album Liberty.     

When I was about 7 I had lost the key to the padlock on my bike and had had to walk home from school, it was only about a 10 minute walk but I was not happy. When I told my dad he was even more unhappy and as the bike was only about 3 months old sent me back to school with the spare key to get it after dinner rather than leave it there over night. By the time I got back to school it was getting dark and about 6:30. I made my way across the playground towards the bike sheds, very relieved to see my bike still there. All around the playground were lights which were now on, making it look a little like a prison exercise yard. As I got closer to the bike shed I could hear muffled voices. I actually slowed my steps and crept nearer. I was also a little nervous because otherwise the place seemed totally deserted. I soon realized the voices were coming from the behind the shed. I decided not to look around the corner, which was quite a ways away due to the metal fence that stre...

David: It’s nice to see you again this new school year. Morad: It’s nice to see you too. How was your vacation? David: Good but I’m glad to be back at school. Morad: Me too. David: Look some of our friends are over there. Morad: Let’s go talk to them. We haven’t seen them in months. David: I would like to have sex with them. Morad: I would like to have sex with you. David: I just pooped in my pants. Morad: I just pooped on your head. David: Thank you. Morad: You’re welcome. David: Can I chew on your pancreas? Morad: No.   

To liven up this place I have a great idea for initiating the next 10 subscribers. We can force them to do a humiliating song and dance. Drinking a concoction of multiple different things might be alright. Then we will force them to wear a tight outfit while their hands are duck taped together. Then they have to drink a huge spaghetti pot full of warm beer that's been left out all day. Then we pelt them with water balloons, water guns and shaving cream. Then we kidnap them and take them to a park or forest with lots of trails through it and blindfold each member. Then we make them wear funky kilts, hats, pants, skirts and other clothes. Then we pair them off in groups of 2 and challenge them to a milkshake drinking competition. One of them will be given a regular vanilla milkshake, and the other is given an identical in appearance milkshake, however it is in fact a mayonnaise milkshake. Then we will paint their noses black, and then put black spots all over them, put a...

When my sexy in the room gets together with your sexy in the room, that's just too much sexy in the room.

Yesterday I was in the grocery store and I heard someone talking Persian so I went up to him and saw it was an older man and I asked him if he was from Iran and he said he was and so I asked him if he lived around here and he said he was from two towns over and then he asked me if I lived in this town and I said yes and then he said can I give you a hug and I said OK and then he gave me a hug and then he said I would like to make out with you and I said no and then he said let’s drop our pants and I said OK and then we dropped our pants and then everyone looked at us and then everyone else dropped their pants too and all the men had different size penises and some of the women also had a penis.   

Does anyone know where I can buy an Aaron Neville Megaphone?   

Schwoz Schwartz used to be a girl.   

I've seen this commercial for Downy Unstoppable so many times and I still can't figure out if this person is a man or woman. Kinda looks like Mrs. Doubtfire.  

This age of tiktok toilet lickers and instagram models is just so wonderful to be a part of. I feel so blessed learning about these fascinating people.  

In Iran I used to have a friend which I will call Ghasem. Ghasem used to see this girl (let's call her Sakineh) riding the minibus every night and of course she had noticed him too. Unbeknownst to Ghasem Sakineh had a lover in the Azari neighborhood whose name was Esmail. To Esmail Sakineh was a possession like a jewel on his crown. With each ride that passed Ghasem and Sakineh's story continued and eventually Ghasem took Sakineh's heart. So one day she looked him in the eyes and said they couldn't meet again. Meanwhile the word was out on the streets that Sakineh was messing with someone. As a result Esmail began looking for Ghasem with a vengeance and a gun. We kept telling Ghasem he better run and that he was playing with fire but to no avail. One night as time stood still Ghasem met with Sakineh on a rooftop in the night but they couldn't hear Esmail coming until he had them both in sight. A shot ran out like thunder and the blood was on Sakineh...

I once felt like I had diarrhea but then the feeling went away. Then I felt like burping but then the feeling went away. Then I felt like farting but then the feeling went away. Then I felt like puking but then the feeling went away. Then I felt like peeing but then the feeling went away. Then I felt like burping but then the feeling went away. Then I felt like lactating but then the feeling went away. Then I felt like sneezing but then the feeling went away. Then all of the feelings came back at once and everything shot out of me at the same time causing my body to cave in.

I was too lazy to do laundry today and I am out of clean clothes. I need to run to the store to pick up a few things. Would it be weird if I wore my wife's booty shorts to the supermarket?   

Would it be wrong to sing to a basket of chaghaleh badooms as you nibble on your toe nails?   

Bulgaria were bronze medalists in the 1994 World Cup.   

Sometimes I can't believe that so few people are able to get into Sharif University. But then when I think about I can believe it.  

I wish the US would bid to host an indoor, U17 or U20 World Cup so I could possibly cheer Iran on in the stadiums (assuming we qualify). I'm really puzzled as to why they have never bid for one.   

At a young age I realized that when one wets their bed during their sleep they also simultaneously dream of peeing.

Spain's jerseys in the 2013 Confederations Cup really pissed me off. 

Does anyone know where I can get an instrumental version of the song "Can I borrow a feeling?"  

I just watched the entire match of the 1994 World Cup between Italy and Spain to see if I could spot myself in the crowd.

I think the inspiration for Balthazar Bratt in Despicable Me is Rahmat from Paytakht.  

I was once waiting for a bus so I could go to the store for hot dogs and wine. It got real cold but the bus finally arrived and we began moving really fast. On the way I spotted some places that were out of sight as it seemed the driver was taking us to some places that we had never been. I suddenly spotted someone on the bus that looked familiar so I approached him and asked him, "Is that you Mo-Dean?" He responded, "It's me Mo-Dean." He explained that he had been away but now that he was back he couldn't seem to find any of his friends to tell his interesting stories to. We talked a bit and forgot about the ride until I finally asked, "I say at which depot do we depart?" He had no answer.   

Has anyone ever tried a 96 position?  

In case anyone is looking for a furnished place to rent in the city: https://newjersey.craigslist.org/apa/6204705341.html Our typical apartment units consist of a single corridor that leads off from a central lift-shaft. This corridor leads to the other rooms of the home. The Window Room is the largest of these. It is a large triangular sitting room with (as its name would suggest) a window looking out to the city. Its most prominent feature, apart from the window, is a small pool in which the resident can submerge himself to relax. The bedroom is the second room, it consists of a simple upright sleeping chamber that is filled with a mossy substance. Next to the bedroom is the private bath. This is a much larger pool into which one may submerge entirely. Oils and powders may be poured into the water of this bath and the water itself is far hotter than that of the window room pool. Finally there is the refuge. This is a simple, oxygen atmosphered, room with a table, a...

Has anyone figured out what happened to Elisa Lam?   

I'm thinking about the man who stole a leopard.   

During the US-Switzerland game at the Pontiac Silverdome in the 1994 World Cup I bought a large soda in a plastic souvenir cup for $7. Today at Redbull Arena I buy my son a small soda in a paper cup for $8.  

Last night I swayed in the moon the way I did when I was younger.