Absolute Random Nonsense

And that's why you're my cookie, wookie, teddy bear.  

I was thinking of this Persian girl I used to date. What you must remember about Persian girls is that you must keep being romantic with them. I wanted to be with her so I bought her some flowers. Persian girls love red and yellow roses. I was gonna give them to her at an exam that we had. Girls find it very romantic. The plan was to do this when she was sitting at her desk and writing and to just walk up to her and give h er the flowers. It was too embarrassing so I gave them to her before I walked in to the exam. Girls also like chocolate. I gave my Persian girl some chocolate too. She loved it but the problem is that you can't give her too much or she will turn fat. Once I broke the ice, I started talking a lot to her. I told her she got pretty eyes. Girls love that. I told her that her eyes are like beautiful stars and that if I could, I would want to live in her eyes because of how beautiful they are. I made sure to grab her hand. Girls love it when you grab the...

After the murder of their son, the Khorram family is suing Citibank for repeated robocalls.   

 When building a house would it be ok to mix homosexual and bisexual bricks?  

What happens when an inside joke evolves into the worst kept secret in town? For the masterminds behind Mehran's Steak House, which opened its doors in New York City for one night only, the answer is simple: commit to the bit. During the pandemic, Willy Hopps was living on the Upper East Side with a group of roommates, including Mehran Jalali. Jalali would often cook steaks, so as a joke, the roommates re-labeled their apartment on Google Maps as "Mehran's Steak House." They didn't stop there, though. Taking a step further, they created a  website, jokingly saying the steakhouse was full of six months and you could leave your contact information for when reservations open up. Though it wasn't real, that didn't stop New York foodies from vying for reservations for the not so true-to-form restaurant. It also didn't help that the friends added glowing reviews to the made-up listing. Not before long, the fake steakhouse garnered enough buzz on social ...

Every year our school put together a soccer tournament that was open to any group of five that could form a team and pay the entrance fee. While some teams were clearly strong and gunning for the championship, many others were there just to make up the numbers. It was thus that we decided to form our own team and enter the competition for the first time that year. The idea actually was born a year prior. It came as Babak and I watched a match during the school’s volleyball tournament in which one of the teams was not only heavily outplayed, but their pathetic display had lead to their games being the most attended ones due to their comical performance. As Babak and I stood on the sideline, watching and laughing, Babak had said to me, “Look at these guys. We should have entered a team in the soccer tournament. The worst that could have happened is this.” I agreed with his sentiments, however, it would be too late for that year as the school’s soccer tournament had alrea...

Discrimination is a word Parisa Shamaei-Zadeh uses often when describing her experience of being an Iranian-American in Eastern Kentucky. Shamaei-Zadeh, a senior at Paintsville High School and a student at Johnson County / Paintsville Early College Academy at Big Sandy Community and Technical College, wrote about her struggles and received $42,000 for the William C. Parker Diversity Scholarship at the University of Kentucky. “It’s quite a paradox, I believe, because I was born in America. I was born in Kentucky and I’m discriminated as a second-class citizen most of the time,” said Shamaei-Zadeh, 17. She is a member of the University of Kentucky Iranian Association and is a cheerleader for PHS. When she graduates in the spring, she will have an Associate in Science degree from BSCTC. She would like to go on to study pre-medicine and wants to be a physician so she can work in undeserved areas. Her father, Dr. Ali Shamaei-Zadeh, is from Iran, and her mother, Patricia Ne...

The train continued to sit idly as it had been doing for the past hour. I stayed put as I had been instructed to do by my travel companion. He told me he had others further ahead that were waiting for us and thus he had to go and inform them about our delay. I wasn’t sure how he would reach them although it later occurred to me that whatever means he was using I should have simply asked for him to take me with him. Instead I remained seated in the train, waiting for it to resume its journey while I kept an eye out for my station at which point I would join the rest of the group. Until then I was in the care of a blind man who attempted a skeptical conversation with me. I could tell the answers I was giving him were not satisfying him and before long he gave up on making conversation. I tried to prolong it as best as I could by asking various questions of him and trying to stretch out my own stories for as long as possible. As long as I could keep him listening, and as a ...

A disgruntled traveler is suing the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) for long security lines he claims caused him to miss his scheduled flight. Hooman Nikizad is seeking $506.85 to cover the cost of the replacement flight, additional ground transportation and the $75 fee to file the lawsuit, according to court documents reported by the Minneapolis Star-Tribune. Nikizad said he arrived at the Twin Cities Airport two hours before his scheduled flight to Los Angeles and waited in line at the security checkpoint for over 90 minutes. His scheduled flight was delayed by nine minutes, but he still was unable to make it to his gate on time. “I had to buy a ticket with another airline to be able to make my destination and meet my obligations,” Nikizad said in his lawsuit, filed in federal court last week. He claims the TSA had “only one body scanner for the regular security line [in operation].” (RELATED: TSA Touts Golden Grenade As Evidence They Actually Don’t Suck) ...

After unsuccessful attempts for admission in public and private universities, Babak enlisted for his military service. He in fact served some time when a private university, perhaps as a result of some accepted incoming students choosing not to enroll and their spots now becoming available, contacted him and informed him that he had been accepted. Babak immediately enrolled and was released from his military service. One night as we all had gathered around at our house, Babak began telling us about his brief period in the military. “We all went to the main office on the designated day and just stood around waiting for instructions as to when and where we should report for duty. After spending some time on the grounds and socializing with one another, a minibus pulled up and everyone was ordered to board it. Initially we thought we were headed for a different office but once the minibus approached the outskirts of the city, we realized that wasn’t the case. We got kinda w...